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Title: Ripples
Pairing: Doumeki-centric; Doumeki x Watanuki
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Rating: G
Notes: Written late at night when I was very sick. Quite short. Sorry for discrepencies.
Summary: Doumeki knows himself well, probably as well as one can no oneself. He know what he feels, and he knows what he'll do with those feelings if necessary.

Doumeki Shizuka knows his own emotions well, probably better than most other people know their own emotions. He attributes this to the fact that, more often than not, he isn’t feeling anything in particular. Rather, he’s more like the still surface of a pond, bland and tranquil; pristine. He’s at peace with himself, and it’s a familiar peace, a welcome, albeit somewhat monotonous, peace.

…so when strong fingers brush the sleeve of the other boy’s uniform, or when tawny eyes glance downwards to meet azure ones, or even when characterless words that really don’t mean anything at all inspire a lengthy tirade on nothing in particular, it’s like a pebble dropped in that pond, creating ripples the crest and trough and fade to nothing again. Ripples that don’t shatter, but rather momentarily displace the inner peace that rules him. Ripples of emotion that are easy to decipher, mainly because he gets them so very seldomly that when they do happen they’re like blatant slaps in the face.

Watanuki Kimihiro is the only person who can create those certain kinds of ripples. Doumeki isn’t sure why, but something about the other boy makes him want to disregard everything that should matter and simply do what he wants. Something about Watanuki fascinates him, enthralls him; changes him.

Doumeki rather likes those changes; he rather likes dropping everything for Watanuki’s sake, he rather likes having the motivation to protect Watanuki, he rather likes existing for a purpose rather than for the mere sake of existing. He rather likes what Watanuki does to him; he rather likes the ripples
(the changes)
that Watanuki causes.

…but, still, Doumeki Shizuka is Doumeki Shizuka, and will always be Doumeki Shizuka,
and if there is ever someone else, someone better suited to the position he now occupies in Watanuki’s life,
(protector, companion, …partner?)
if and only if there is someone else, then Doumeki would take the infinitely practical route and step down. It isn’t that he doesn’t care enough to fight for his position, that’s not it at all, it’s just that Watanuki always comes first, and he’d much rather see Watanuki happy without him than unhappy with him.

It’s with that knowledge that Doumeki’s at peace with himself once again.


hahaha, but I love the normal praise, at least I know you're bothering to read it.

If only, if only...

If only I could stay up until three o'clock in the morning...

I'm glad you love the praise, because that's the best I can do... other than call you Jesus... and you are my Jesus. ♥

September 2005

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