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Title: Ripples
Pairing: Doumeki-centric; Doumeki x Watanuki
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Rating: G
Notes: Written late at night when I was very sick. Quite short. Sorry for discrepencies.
Summary: Doumeki knows himself well, probably as well as one can no oneself. He know what he feels, and he knows what he'll do with those feelings if necessary.


Doumeki Shizuka knows his own emotions well, probably better than most other people know their own emotions. He attributes this to the fact that, more often than not, he isn’t feeling anything in particular. Rather, he’s more like the still surface of a pond, bland and tranquil; pristine. He’s at peace with himself, and it’s a familiar peace, a welcome, albeit somewhat monotonous, peace.

…so when strong fingers brush the sleeve of the other boy’s uniform, or when tawny eyes glance downwards to meet azure ones, or even when characterless words that really don’t mean anything at all inspire a lengthy tirade on nothing in particular, it’s like a pebble dropped in that pond, creating ripples the crest and trough and fade to nothing again. Ripples that don’t shatter, but rather momentarily displace the inner peace that rules him. Ripples of emotion that are easy to decipher, mainly because he gets them so very seldomly that when they do happen they’re like blatant slaps in the face.

Watanuki Kimihiro is the only person who can create those certain kinds of ripples. Doumeki isn’t sure why, but something about the other boy makes him want to disregard everything that should matter and simply do what he wants. Something about Watanuki fascinates him, enthralls him; changes him.

Doumeki rather likes those changes; he rather likes dropping everything for Watanuki’s sake, he rather likes having the motivation to protect Watanuki, he rather likes existing for a purpose rather than for the mere sake of existing. He rather likes what Watanuki does to him; he rather likes the ripples
(the changes)
that Watanuki causes.

…but, still, Doumeki Shizuka is Doumeki Shizuka, and will always be Doumeki Shizuka,
and if there is ever someone else, someone better suited to the position he now occupies in Watanuki’s life,
(protector, companion, …partner?)
if and only if there is someone else, then Doumeki would take the infinitely practical route and step down. It isn’t that he doesn’t care enough to fight for his position, that’s not it at all, it’s just that Watanuki always comes first, and he’d much rather see Watanuki happy without him than unhappy with him.

It’s with that knowledge that Doumeki’s at peace with himself once again.

Comments

I love the idea that as Watanuki changes, he is also changing the people around him - most noticeably Doumeki.

Azure orbs throws me a bit - it must be all those years in the Harry Potter fandom, with Harry's 'emerald orbs' being scattered around in fics left, right and centre. That phrasing always turns me off - but I think it's just a personal thing. :D

I liked the feeling of solidity, of strength we get from Doumeki. The strange enjoyment he feels being Watanuki's protector really rang true.

Although for some reason I can't see Doumeki being at all willing to step down. :D
I never realize just how silly the word "orbs" is until someone mentions it to me. You're actually right...it kind of kills the fic. For one, for some unknown reason, the word "orbs" has always been associated with "breasts" and the mental image of that is saddening. Hm, I think I thought of a better way to do that bit. Going to go edit that now (thanks for the critique).

I think the thing about Doumeki’s willingness to back off Watanuki is really open to interpretation, considering that CLAMP refuses to give us much insight into Doumeki's personality (though they've been getting better).
For one, for some unknown reason, the word "orbs" has always been associated with "breasts" and the mental image of that is saddening.

You just made me laugh really quite hard. I think I shocked my tortoise into early hibernation. :D

I know what you mean about the whole brickwall!Doumeki thing. There does come a point that you're staring at his each and every expression, trying to decipher what he's thinking, when you stop congratulating CLAMP for being subtle and move on to wishing they would just show us what he's feeling. *takes breath* Sorry about that. (I did like the fic, though!)
chesspiece

September 2005

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