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Title: Ripples
Pairing: Doumeki-centric; Doumeki x Watanuki
Fandom: xxxHOLiC
Rating: G
Notes: Written late at night when I was very sick. Quite short. Sorry for discrepencies.
Summary: Doumeki knows himself well, probably as well as one can no oneself. He know what he feels, and he knows what he'll do with those feelings if necessary.


Doumeki Shizuka knows his own emotions well, probably better than most other people know their own emotions. He attributes this to the fact that, more often than not, he isn’t feeling anything in particular. Rather, he’s more like the still surface of a pond, bland and tranquil; pristine. He’s at peace with himself, and it’s a familiar peace, a welcome, albeit somewhat monotonous, peace.

…so when strong fingers brush the sleeve of the other boy’s uniform, or when tawny eyes glance downwards to meet azure ones, or even when characterless words that really don’t mean anything at all inspire a lengthy tirade on nothing in particular, it’s like a pebble dropped in that pond, creating ripples the crest and trough and fade to nothing again. Ripples that don’t shatter, but rather momentarily displace the inner peace that rules him. Ripples of emotion that are easy to decipher, mainly because he gets them so very seldomly that when they do happen they’re like blatant slaps in the face.

Watanuki Kimihiro is the only person who can create those certain kinds of ripples. Doumeki isn’t sure why, but something about the other boy makes him want to disregard everything that should matter and simply do what he wants. Something about Watanuki fascinates him, enthralls him; changes him.

Doumeki rather likes those changes; he rather likes dropping everything for Watanuki’s sake, he rather likes having the motivation to protect Watanuki, he rather likes existing for a purpose rather than for the mere sake of existing. He rather likes what Watanuki does to him; he rather likes the ripples
(the changes)
that Watanuki causes.

…but, still, Doumeki Shizuka is Doumeki Shizuka, and will always be Doumeki Shizuka,
and if there is ever someone else, someone better suited to the position he now occupies in Watanuki’s life,
(protector, companion, …partner?)
if and only if there is someone else, then Doumeki would take the infinitely practical route and step down. It isn’t that he doesn’t care enough to fight for his position, that’s not it at all, it’s just that Watanuki always comes first, and he’d much rather see Watanuki happy without him than unhappy with him.

It’s with that knowledge that Doumeki’s at peace with himself once again.

Comments

...WOW! You have Doumeki! It's so perfect and true and in-character and...aww. This was a wonderful way to start my day.

And those last two paragraphs...*melts*. It's just so sweet and sad, even though Doumeki isn't sad about the decision and--and--wonderful. This is just wonderful.

(Woah, I hope you get better really soon. The whole lunch table agreed that lunch just isn't the same without you. We missed you a lot. D=)
Writing this I think has made Doumeki my favorite, by like, a hair, but still. It always turns out that way with pairings, doesn't it? You like one and I like the other. Well, most of the time.

Thanks, dearest.

(aww, I feel strangely loved. I should be back at school tomorrow though. I promise. maybe)
Well that's because we'd be lesbian lovers if we weren't, y'know, straight. =D

(As you should be! I'll be looking forward to seeing you again!)

(Anonymous)

Short, simple, strong...very much like Doumeki. You nailed his character very nicely. I look forward to you writing a longer piece.

Cheers,
Rukia
Wow, It was great and very in character, but I still think that Doumeki would fight over Watanuki... Especially with Himawari, one time somebody said that he is acting like he thinks that Himawari is 'an extra' to him and Watanuki... But damn, it's so obvious that he will do everything for him...
Hm, well, when I said "step down" I really wasn't talking about Himawari. How do I explain this? I was thinking more along the lines of another character that Doumeki would judge as better for Watanuki than himself. Himawari would fail that judgement, in my opinion. It was more hypothetical I guess.

besides, I'd go on a rampage if Doumeki did back off Watanuki so Himawari, who seems more interested on seeing the two together, could hook up with Watanuki

Oh, and I'm laughing at your icon right now. Very hard.
tee hee, thanx^^ I'm starting to tolerate Himawari, but still I don't want to think about anybody else with Watanuki, and I'm not talking only about Kunogi, Zashiki Warashi or any other girl/boy step back!!! >_
I love the idea that as Watanuki changes, he is also changing the people around him - most noticeably Doumeki.

Azure orbs throws me a bit - it must be all those years in the Harry Potter fandom, with Harry's 'emerald orbs' being scattered around in fics left, right and centre. That phrasing always turns me off - but I think it's just a personal thing. :D

I liked the feeling of solidity, of strength we get from Doumeki. The strange enjoyment he feels being Watanuki's protector really rang true.

Although for some reason I can't see Doumeki being at all willing to step down. :D
I never realize just how silly the word "orbs" is until someone mentions it to me. You're actually right...it kind of kills the fic. For one, for some unknown reason, the word "orbs" has always been associated with "breasts" and the mental image of that is saddening. Hm, I think I thought of a better way to do that bit. Going to go edit that now (thanks for the critique).

I think the thing about Doumeki’s willingness to back off Watanuki is really open to interpretation, considering that CLAMP refuses to give us much insight into Doumeki's personality (though they've been getting better).
For one, for some unknown reason, the word "orbs" has always been associated with "breasts" and the mental image of that is saddening.

You just made me laugh really quite hard. I think I shocked my tortoise into early hibernation. :D

I know what you mean about the whole brickwall!Doumeki thing. There does come a point that you're staring at his each and every expression, trying to decipher what he's thinking, when you stop congratulating CLAMP for being subtle and move on to wishing they would just show us what he's feeling. *takes breath* Sorry about that. (I did like the fic, though!)
Again, I am the last one to comment on this. I always miss these entries.

I was actually trying hard to think of something interesting to say while I was reading that... but... everyone said what I wanted to, so you're getting the normal:

"It was good. I loved it. Write more, bitch. =P"
hahaha, but I love the normal praise, at least I know you're bothering to read it.
-sigh-

If only, if only...

If only I could stay up until three o'clock in the morning...

I'm glad you love the praise, because that's the best I can do... other than call you Jesus... and you are my Jesus. ♥

DOUMEKI! THE ANTI-ANGST-MOPPET!

*cheers* At ths point I'm basically just echoing others, but your Doumeki was awesome, especially because he wasn't unhappy or in denial or any other brand of angst-moppet; he was just Doumeki, and he understood his feelings and was generally okay with the entire situation.

Re: DOUMEKI! THE ANTI-ANGST-MOPPET!

=D Thank you! I really like writing Doumeki, it's so different from the usual clamp character angstfest. (not that I don't like the occasional tasteful angst)
Why thankyou. You have no idea how happy (I typed whappy initially) I am to have such a wonderful writer as yourself!
Awesome is all I'll say, because that's what this is. =3 Short and sweet and very Doumeki-ish.
Thank you! Ah, Doumeki-ish is fun though.
Wow! Great, great imagery in this piece! I can almost see this as a sort of walking meditation for Doumeki. There are so many great lines in this that I don't know if I can pick just one...but I guess I'll have to go with the last line.
Wooow, that was good ^^. And very Doumeki-ish. I liked the metaphor with Doumeki and the pond/ripples a lot. The last paragraph were saaad. It's like 'awww' coz you know it's true but it's still sad. ^^ Good job!
Ohhh yeah, I wouldn't mind being a beta either :D;;
Oh, wow. Perfect CLAMP love-philosophy. ^^
chesspiece

September 2005

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